What Baking A Pastry Taught Me About Marriage


It’s Holiday time at the Brooks’ household, and those that know me well know it also means it’s time once again to make my yearly Dutch Banket.

And, if you’ve never tried it, it seriously belongs on your bucket list!

Banket, pronounced bon-ket, is a long, skinny flaky pastry filled with a delicious almond sugar paste. It’s quite difficult to make, but very easy to eat!

You would think that after making this delicacy for the past 30 years, I’d be a pro.


The first batch I make each year is almost always “destroyed”; with almond paste seeping out of the crust like active volcano lava. And when I thought about the reasons why this was happening, I knew I had to share what baking a pastry taught me about marriage.


The biggest reason why this pastry fails me is because I’m impatient. There’s so much to do this time of year, I just want to get it done.

We live in a world of instant gratification, so it’s no surprise couples want a “quick fix” when it comes to conflict. If they don’t “get it right” the first time, they find themselves frustrated.

But much like Banket, a good marriage takes time to nurture. And while some disagreements can quickly be fixed, others are not so simple, and need a little more time to work out.


I realized the rolls that end up leaking everywhere are filled with too much almond paste making it impossible for the crust to hold it all in.

Just as Banket needs the perfect combination of filling and crust to turn out right, a good marriage needs the right balance of give and take from each partner. Marriage is a partnership and should not be one-sided.


Sometimes I forget to poke holes on top of the pastry to ease the pressure of the expanding filling.

Every marriage goes through seasons of pressure, especially during major life events like moving to a new home, starting a new job and the birth of a child. Giving your spouse room to grow and the voice to be heard is critical to hold a marriage together.

One part is only as good as the other.

A friend of mine who also bakes Banket every year once told me, “Even imperfect Banket is perfect banket”, and she’s right! No matter how you slice it, the crust along with the filling are a winning combination!

And so it goes in marriage.

Marriages aren’t easy, but success in marriage can happen when partners are patient with each other, when their give and take is balanced, and when they give the other the space they need so as they grow together, they can also stay together.