“It doesn't matter if they've never officiated before, they are still legally responsible for the marriage according to the law.” - Kristi Brooks

Introduction:

This month I’ll hit a milestone; 9 years as a Wedding Officiant.

Wow! It seems like yesterday I was figuring it all out; how to write a wedding ceremony, how to calm my couples nerves (not to mention my own), and how to write and perform custom unity ceremonies.

Did I make mistakes? Absolutely! And, truthfully, don’t we all when we try something new?

Confession. When I started in this business all those years ago, I had no idea how much went into officiating a wedding.

I remember thinking, “seriously! How hard can it be? I’ll just stand up front, read a piece of paper and sign a license, right?”

Um, noooooo.

It took me a couple of ceremonies before I became aware of how important the role of Officiant was in a wedding. And my biggest surprise? When I found out the Officiant at a wedding was legally responsible for the legality of the couple’s marriage.

What??

I made up my mind then and there it was time I got a clear understanding of my responsibilities as a Wedding Officiant so I would never have to tell a couple they’re not really married because of a mistake I made.

So, why the confession?

Because I get why couples ask a friend or member of their family Officiate their wedding. They don't want a stranger to help them "I Do", they want someone they know well to take on this very special role in their ceremony.

That being said, as a Professional Officiant, it’s my duty to make sure couples AND one-time Officiants are aware of the responsibility of being a Wedding Officiant, legal and otherwise.

So, if you or someone you know is interested in asking a friend or someone from the family officiate, this post is for you. Because inside, I’ll be sharing the 3 simple mistakes new Officiant’s make in hopes it could prevent an awkward ceremony experience, or worse, a very uncomfortable conversation with a couple down the road.

That said, here are 3 mistakes friend officiants make.

1. Not Knowing State Requirements for a Legal Wedding

When a couple agrees to be married, they enter a legal, binding contract.

I know. It doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?

And, just like any contract has terms that must be agreed to, so does the marriage license. And if those terms are not followed or met, the license is in breach.

To make it even more complicated, marriage requirements vary by state, and many times vary by county or jurisdiction as well. So what are the typical requirements for a marriage to be considered legal?

While they vary greatly depending on jurisdiction (please check Federal and your State and local laws), the most common requirements are that the couple be of legal age, they must both consent to be married (which is where the typical "I Do's" come in), the couple must have a sound mind (the mental capacity to understand what’s going on around them) and be able to make a conscious decision to marry (meaning they must be sober, and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol.)

 2. Not Knowing How to Complete/File a Marriage License Properly

There’s more to signing a marriage license than just signing on the dotted line. If it were only that easy!

I’ve performed hundreds of weddings since I started years ago and still read the instructions that come with the license.

With requirements varying widely from county to county and the continuous changes to those requirements, I don’t want to miss a beat, and your Officiant shouldn't either.

Yet, I’ve seen new and one-time officiants sign a Marriage License without dating it, use the wrong color of ink (silly I know, but black ink IS a requirement for many counties here in Michigan) and use the wrong title (it’s NOT Officiant strangely enough) after signing their name.

I’ve also seen officiants sign a marriage license with misprints or incorrect info printed on it.

Here's the thing: It doesn’t matter if it’s the clerk’s mistake for printing a license with wrong or missing information. If it’s wrong and an officiant signs it, the license will most likely be rejected invalidating the marriage.

I say "most likely", because there are times when the clerk's office overlooks the error and processes it anyway.

Here's where things can get dicey.

Should the legality of a marriage ever be questioned down the road (think Life Insurance, Divorce, etc.), and the error gets discovered years later, it could have serious repercussions for the couple.

It's for these and so many other reasons I strongly encourage couples hire a professional Officiant.

One-time officiants don’t know how to review a license before signing it and because they don't marry couples regularly, they shouldn't be expected to. The problem is it doesn't matter if they know how, they are still legally responsible according to the law.

 3. Not Knowing How to Lead a Ceremony

Have you ever witnessed officiant cringeworthy moments during a wedding? I don’t know if it’s more uncomfortable for the entire wedding party or the guests.

I’ve seen everything from forgetting to “seat” the guests when the ceremony begins to addressing the couple by the wrong names.

Yikes!

And, part of leading a wedding ceremony includes the officiant creating a smooth transition from each element to the next; something that can only come with experience.

Couples, their wedding party and wedding guests look to the Officiant for direction during the ceremony. They want to be “led” through each section so they know what to expect next.

An experienced Officiant knows how to handle the unexpected on the fly, and most importantly, how to ease a couple's nerves as they calmly guide them through one of the most emotional moments of their lives.

My best advice if you’ve asked a friend or family member to officiate? Make sure you and they understand the importance of that responsibility, and do what you can to help them gain the insight and knowledge they’ll need to flawlessly and successfully pronounce you legally married.

When your Officiant knows what to do and how to do it, it will give all of you peace of mind so you can enjoy your big day as you should; without a care in the world!

If you’re confident the person you’ve asked to officiate can handle the duties and responsibilities outlined in this article, you’ve made a great choice!

If you’re less than confident, I can help!

I created an online course for friend officiants that teach them everything they need to know to handle their role as officiant with the confidence of a pro!

They'll also receive valuable resources like done-for-you checklists, questionnaires and a beautifully pre-written ceremony with cues and instructions to help them lead a ceremony that will impress both you and your guests!

Click here to learn more about the Extraordinary Officiant Course.