We’ve all taken the Love Language quiz at some point (thanks, 2010s internet), and while it’s fun to say “I’m totally a Words of Affirmation girl,” it goes way deeper than Instagram captions and Buzzfeed quizzes.

In real relationships—the messy, beautiful, everyday kind—understanding and appreciating your partner’s love language is non-negotiable. And if you’re not doing that? You might be unintentionally hurting them more than you realize.

Here's the deal:

We tend to give love the way we receive it. But that doesn’t always translate for the other person. And when we dismiss or minimize how they give and receive love, it can feel like rejection.

Let’s break it down with some real-life scenarios:

1. Acts of Service Isn’t Just "Doing Stuff"—It’s Their Way of Saying I Love You

Imagine your partner runs your errands, folds your laundry, and fixes things around the house before you even notice they’re broken. They’re not trying to be controlling—they’re showing love.

But if your response is something like, “You don’t have to do all that. I can take care of myself,” they don’t hear independence. They hear, “Your love isn’t needed here.”

Ouch!

2. Gift-Giving Isn’t Materialism—It’s Thoughtfulness Wrapped in a Bow

Maybe your partner leaves you surprise coffees, buys a little trinket that reminded them of you, or goes all out for birthdays. If you dismiss those gestures or say, “You really didn’t have to spend money on that,” they might feel foolish or unappreciated.

To them, gifts are physical reminders of love and connection. You’re not just shrugging off a scented candle—you’re shrugging off their heart.

3. Physical Touch Isn’t Just About Sex

For some people, a hand on the shoulder, a forehead kiss, or cuddling on the couch is emotional intimacy. If your partner reaches for you and you flinch, pull away, or don’t reciprocate—it can feel like rejection, even if that wasn’t your intention.

4. Words of Affirmation = Emotional Fuel

If your person needs verbal reassurance and you’re more of a “you should just know I love you” type, you’re probably leaving them on emotional E. A simple “I’m proud of you” or “You looked amazing today” can mean everything.

Saying nothing? That says something too.

5. Quality Time Isn't Just About Being in the Same Room

Your partner wants to be present with you—not just sit next to you while you're both scrolling on your phones. They might plan a dinner, a walk, or just want to chat without distractions. If you're "too busy" or mentally checked out, it feels like they don’t matter.

Spoiler alert: TikTok can wait.

So… What Now?

Love languages aren't just fun facts about your personality—they’re a blueprint for emotional connection. If you’re brushing off your partner’s love language because it feels foreign or “too much,” it might be time to pause and check your assumptions.

Loving someone the way they need to be loved—not just the way that’s easiest for you—is the real flex.

Let their language stretch you a little. Learn it. Practice it. Speak it fluently—even if it’s not your native tongue.

Because at the end of the day, love isn’t just about being loved.

It’s about making your partner feel seen.

If your partner’s love language isn’t your default, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong—it just means you’ve got some learning to do. Brushing it off as “too much” or “not your style” can quietly create distance, even hurt. Real love is learning to speak their language, not just yours. Because when they feel seen, everything shifts.

Love this? There's so much more packed inside my PreMarital Counseling and Marriage IRL programs. I'd love to see you on the other side.